I didn't come here to hurt you, but now I can't stop.
I want you to know, it doesn't matter where we take this road, but someones got to go.
I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better.
I love you babe. I miss you. I hate this.

It's easy to take big risks in the beginning, because the stakes are low or unknown. One of us can lose and walk away, check out of the hotel, take the next flight home. It's not like that anymore. The chips are stacked. It's funny, I had no fear at the start. I had vast powers. I would challenge you. Tease you. Tell you the hard truth. I was rich with beginner's luck. I was the girl who had never before been to a casino, yet I threw the dice like a shark and won. I won you. Triple cherries! Gold Rush! You couldn't drag my ass out of there. When I finally left it was morning, and I squinted as I opened the door. You liked me like that: rumpled, eyes bloodshot, alive. Shoot. I guess I froze once I figured out what I'd got. I haven't taken chances the same way since. So here's my plan: I'm going to bet on you to know what to do next. I'm going to turn out the lights, and lie here and wait. I'm gambling it all tonight.

At first, you and I were virgins-at least to each other. We hadn't even kissed! We were like teenagers in a borrowed bed, nervous as hell and clumsy. We were new snow, no footprints. Ready to get dirty. All of me was strange: my breath and my eyes, my lips, my hips, my hands, and my thighs. You didn't know what to touch. The proximity of discovery made you delirious, and that made me delirious. But nights turn into days, and it all turns into years. We became familar-isnt that what happens? We do our dirty laundry. We snore. We bleed. We fight. You finish my sentences, and I read your mind. Believe me I loved laying myself out for you that first time. Shivering on the bed, as open as the night is long, as scared as I was. Let me do that again. The French actor Jean-Louis Barrault said you have to wake up a virgin each morning. Good Morning.

Things are looking a little brighter. I went to Disneyland the other day with my buddy Mark.